I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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