Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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