suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
