Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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