We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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