Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
