Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
