So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I looked at my own cervix.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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