I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize