i already hear my dad disowning me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
