I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You're a waste of cheezeits
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
