you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
