so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
