i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
