Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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