I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
