tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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