my vag is so smooth its legendary
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
