grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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