Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was CRYING into my vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
