I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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