i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
