My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just cropdusted the office
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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