How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
