Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
