Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
