i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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