yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
