I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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