Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
