Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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