My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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