you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize