sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize