Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
