two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
