this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
