May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
