Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
