I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize