And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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