Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
