Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
