OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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