You're earring is so big in my mouth
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
