you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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