why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
