I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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