I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
