I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
