me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
