Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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