i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Couch. On fire.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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