Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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