I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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