"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
