I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
