is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
