bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
