I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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