Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I AM VODKA MAN
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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