I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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