Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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