So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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