Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
