i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
