READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
