I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
