with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
